The Bishonen Boys
by Fatesmon
Summary: This is just poking fun at some bishonen characters I chose, combined w/ the boy band image in a new twist. The following animes are adressed in this song: Sailor Moon, DragonBallZ, Digimon, Pokemon, Gundam Wing, Outlaw Star, Trigun, Tenchi Muyo.


The Bishonen Boys ****

The Bishonen Boys

__

By Fatesmon

__

Well, you'll either love me or loathe me on this piece (mainly the women).... The choices of bishonen were based on the anime I watch or once watched, and on other things like shrine amounts to one character, age, character rank, show's popularity, etc. And yes, I *did* use the normal format for this story, just to see how it works out. OH, and of course since this is an original song on text, I won't be able to describe the melody, so you'll have to make it up yourselves. OH, AND (one more thing), I used the Japanese names as best as I could, just to be more "official". Well...enjoy ^_^;;!

The sun is scorching down on the streets of Tokyo, Japan. Down by the streets, eight lone men, both short and tall, are covered in trench coats and big hats that show none of their facial or bodily looks. The eight strangers rest under the umbrellas on the tables of a streetside cafe, looking a bit relieved for some odd reason.

"_Damn_, it's hot in these things...." complains one of the men, as he strokes his shadowed and sweaty brow.

"I know," replies another, "but it's worth it!"

"Yeah." says a third, "_No one_ can recognize us in these get-ups! Absolutely--"

"***GASP* IT'S JIM!**"

"**NANI?!**" yell all eight in disbelief. All eight heads turn and see a lone teenage girl, eyes sparkling and pointing at them with an estatic feeling. All of a sudden, girls from everywhere sprout up from their apartment windows, out of stores, _everywhere_! All start to bear sparkling eyes, or lovestruck heart eyes as they swoon in delight. The men immediately get out of their seats.

"Jim?"

"Then that means...."

  
  
"**IT'S THE BISHONEN BOYS!**" Every one of the females screech in delight following their "war cry". The men start getting nervous like the devil.

"How..." yet another of the men ask, "how did they--" He answers himself by looking down at another of the men--actually, _boy_ to be more specific--hardly as tall as any of the others.

"I _hate_ my small stature," the boy complains.

"Um, guys...." states one of the remaining men, pointing out with his hand shaking. "What word comes to mind right about now?" The others look at the sudden change in the ambience, as all the girls gather up into one large, stampeding army of crazed fangirls. All answer the same:  
".....**RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!**"

The men leap out of their coats and over the fence of the cafe, revealing the eight strangers' identities; Mamoru (AKA Darien) of Sailor Moon, teen Gohan of Dragonball Z, teenager Yamato "Matt" Ishida of Digimon, Kojiro (AKA James) of Pokemon, Heero Yui of Gundam Wing, Jim Hawking of Outlaw Star (obviously), Vash the Stampede of Trigun; and of course, Tenchi Masaki of Tenchi Muyo. The eight bishonen run like the wind from the stampede down the streets of Tokyo, past a dark alley that the view suddenly stops at. A lone light suddenly pops up, revealing a man on guitar, and then more lights to show the rest of his friends in the band. The music begins, and the guitar player begins his little diddy for us all--whether ya want it or not.  
  
_Anime in America's a fad that's big and wide,  
But what makes it so popular that it turns the tide?  
It might be the action and ladies for the men,  
But for the female of the species, it's the bishonen._  
  
The music becomes louder and more noticeable, even if the band disappears from sight as we go back to the bishonen, complaining amongst themselves as they run for their dear sweet lives.

"_No one can recognize us in these get-ups!_" quotes Mamoru in an insulting way."_ Smooth move_, KOJIRO!"

"I'm just having an off day, that's all!" complains Kojiro. "Besides, Jim's height gave us away!"

"Oh sure, blame_ me_ for everything why dontcha'?!" exclaims Jim Hawking.

"......" Heero just stays silent the whole time, without any expression at all.

"Sure, WHY NOT?!" replies Mamoru in anger. "Damn, I'd be home ironing out the wrinkles in my tux right now if it weren't for _you_!"  
  
_Mamoru is an orphan who hails from Earth,  
Helps the Sailor Senchi for all its worth.  
He's always battle-ready and helps when he can,  
With his suit and top hat, he's Tuxedo Kamen._  
_His love for Usagi lasts as far as it goes,  
From near the very beginning to Neo-Tokyo.  
But others sometime tease and taunt the poor young guy,  
It's hard in an anime full of shouhen-ai._  
  
"HEY!" shouts Yamato, pounding one fist into the other hand's palm. "Gohan, why don't you _blast_ all those women away! It'd be _easy_ with your power!"

"**YEAH!**" His friends all agree--except for two...

"Er, can't we escape them _without_ killing them?" asks Vash, being the semi-pacifist that he is.

"Vash's right," Gohan says. "I can't kill innocent people like that!"

"....Tch," Yamato says with disappointment. "No wonder Mr. Satan took the World's Champion title from a pansy like you--"

"**WHAT WAS THAT?**" Gohan starts forming a blue ball in the palm of his hand, glaring with danger towards Yamato.

"....Erm, uh, NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! Hehehehehe... ^_^;;"  
  
_Gohan is a warrior and a kindly lad,  
Can shoot a Kamehameha just like his own dad.  
As a little kid, Piccolo whipped him into shape,  
Even though he had the habit of turning into an ape.  
His claim-to-fame was defeating the almighty Cell,  
But he got giped by the man with the afro from Hell.  
At Orange Star High, he met the lovely Videl-chan,  
And not many know that he's the Great Saiyaman.  
_  
_THEY'RE THE BISHONEN BOYS!  
Always with a frown,  
And can turn a fangirl's feelings upside down!  
So what exactly makes all those ladies gaze and stare?  
All girls agree, IT'S GOTTA BE THE HAIR.  
  
_The Bishonen Boys curve at a corner, continuing the run from the rampaging ladies not too far behind.

"HURRY UP, GIRLS!" one fangirl shouts out loud. "WE'RE CATCHING UP!"

"**ACK!**" Tenchi whines, under the stress from the thought of _more_ women trying to make their move on him. "I don't _wanna_ be grabbed, stroked, and hugged to death!"

"I can handle the Dark Masters. I can handle Vamdemon in all his forms. I can handle _Saban's bad dubbing_," Yamato utters out loud to himself. "But fangirls, NO WAY IN _HELL_! Sora's gonna _kill_ me if she sees I'm cheating one of those barbarians!"

"Eh, I'm more of a Taiora fan anyways," states Jim in boldness.

"So where's your 'loyal' Gabumon, hm?" Kojiro asks the Digidestined teen with prejudice. "Bet ya wish you could carry him around, _dontcha'_?"

"**SHUT UP!** Digimon has the most fanfics out of all Anime categories on fanfiction.net! AND we're up around number _five_ or something on Anipike's most popular animes, unlike _you_ around _twelve _or so!!"

"....You don't have to rub it in...."

"Ah _great_," Vash complains, waving his hand up and around, "there they go with the whole 'Pokemon VS Digimon' thing again!"  
  
_From a boy to a teen, Yamato's gone so far,  
Had a harmonica, but now plays the guitar.  
With his bro Takeru, he fought far and wide,  
With his Digimon companion Gabumon by his side.  
The lone wolf ran into trouble and became part of a ploy,  
Dueling it out with Taichi the goggle boy.  
Even though the rabid girls constantly cause him to flee,  
He's already been taken by Sora Takenouchi.  
  
_"**WAIT! I GOT IT!**" Kojiro shouts out loud. He suddenly stops and faces the stampeding fangirls, with a confident gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, regardless of the oncoming army in front of him.

"**LOOK! KOJIRO!**" shouts one Kojiro fan amongst the fans.

"Hehehehe... TAKE THIS!" From out of nowhere, he brings out a black bazooka with the Rocket Dan logo on it. 

****

*BOOSH*

He blasts out a net--

**__**

RRRRRIP_!!_

--And the girls go right through it. His jaw drops in despair, now seeing that he's technically _screwed_.

"...**SHIMATTA!**"

"**COME ON!**" Vash rushes to Kojiro and yanks him away just before the fans go all over him, helping him join the others and dropping his bazooka, which is crushed as the girls run on by.

"**THAT WAS YOUR PLAN?!**" Yamato asks the blue-haired Rocket Dan member. "What _is_ it with Rocket Dan _and nets_?! Those ladies _aren't_ Pokemon, ya know!"

"**SHOVE IT!**" Kojiro yells back.

"MAKE ME, ya crossdressing _homosexual_!"

"HEY!**** Men in Kabuki dress up as women all the time! Besides, looks who's talking, Mr. _Taito_!"

"**GGGRRR...**"

"Just be glad _Bulma_ didn't design your costumes," Gohan says to Kojiro, thinking about the ridiculous Saiyaman one his dad's friend came up with.

Heero just stays quiet yet again.  
  
_Kojiro's a lowly member of Rocket Dan,  
Trying to steal as many Pokemon as he can.  
When he was rich, a girl drove him insane._

Now with Musashi and Nyasu, he searches for fame.  
Recites the motto and captures Pikachu with gadgets,  
Though many of his get-ups come from the closet.  
Fighting the twerps blasts him off every day.

But we fans gotta wonder: Is he gay?  
  
"Oh the Pokemon fans're gonna _kill_ you for this one, you blasted author!" Kojiro exclaims to...me... *GULP*...._  
  
THEY'RE THE BISHONEN BOYS!  
Handsome as can be.  
Why can't we other men be as lucky?  
What makes the ladies run off and put us in despair?  
The way I see it, IT'S GOTTA BE THE HAIR._  
  
"...Hey, where's Heero?" asks Mamoru, noticing something's afoot. The others suddenly wonder the same thing, noticing he's gone from the rest of the group. Tenchi looks back, and...

"HE GYPED US!" yells Tenchi, pointing back towards the fangirls. The others look back, and see Heero just laying alongside the wall, as all the fangirls pass him by. He waves mockingly as they continue to run. "I'm shocked! He _gyped_ us!"

"Damn Mr. Silent-And-Inconspicuous!" Jim complains to his fellow bishonen. "He went through the _entire_ Gundam Wing fan convention this year, and not _one fan_ recognized him, even _without_ a disguise!"

"...That _is_ inconspicuous!" Vash replies in wonderment.  
  
_Heero Yui has a very complex mind.  
Hails from the war after Colony 195.  
Oz and White Fang have fought against Heero,  
Who fights with Epiyon in the Gundam Wing Zero.  
Will kill many a person when he's on the attack,  
But can't bring himself to kill Relena Peacecraft.  
Take my advice if you don't wanna fry:  
Don't say, "IT'S A GUNDAM!", or you're gonna die!  
  
_"....STOP!" Jim commands his friends, as he eyes something as they turn another corner.

"What?" the others ask.

"A TAXI!" Jim points to the taxi just a short distance in front of them.

"**HOT DAMN!**"the others yell in relief. All look back behind them and gasp as they see the fangirls approaching them more and more by the second. They dash into the taxi, regardless of how cramped it is.

"Where to?" the driver asks.

"_Far_ from here!" Jim yells out to the driver. "We'll pay you _anything_!"

"Okay, Jim-boy!"

"...Jim-boy?" Gohan asks in confusion from the nickname.

"Hey...." Jim contemplates. "That voice sounds familiar...." The others turn their heads at Jim, who looks back at them. All attempt to lean over, and see the identity of their driver on his license: FRED LOU.

"....." All the bishonen turn deep blue with sickness and shock. Fred Lou turns and shows his face at them.

"It'll be _so_ fun with all you guys here!" Fred Lou tells them, making them even more nervous and pale. 

****

BANG!

All seven (minus Heero) bishonen look out the windows and see the fangirls surrounding the car and bashing on the windows.

"**WE LOVE YOU, MAMORU!"**

"MARRY ME, TENCHI!"

"**AAAAHHH!**" the bishonen scream out loud. The camera changes to an outside view, showing that the bishonen boot out Lou and drive off from the fangirls.

"**AAAWWW...**" the fangirls pout, disappointed that their dream boats have escaped their hormone-driven hands and lips (and _other_ body parts for some, but we don't wanna go into that ^_^;;). Lou, his bum laying on the floor, rubs the back of his head, shortly spotting Jim going away in the car.

"**JIM!"** Fred shouts out."**COME BAAACCCKKK!!**" He extends his arm out in sorrow towards his lost "love". The fangirls sweatdrop and back away a bit from the homosexual.  
  
_Jim Hawking is the youngest and shortest of the eight,  
Hangs out with Gene who sometimes doesn't think that straight.  
The kid's a computer whiz and a cute little guy,  
Is the half owner of Starwind and Hawking Enterprise.  
Those blasted Kei Pirates won't get off his back,  
And Fred Lou's more likely to give him less slack.  
Though loosing Hanmyou-chan really makes him sad,  
Some think he's got the hots for Aisha ClanClan.  
  
THEY'RE THE BISHONEN BOYS!  
Having many a shrine.  
Saving the day and still looking good all the time.  
Even after the series, what makes people still care?  
Most otakus think, IT'S GOTTA BE THE HAIR.  
  
_All the men sigh in relief and swipe their brows as they look away from the back window of the car.

"Nice work, Vash!" Kojiro complements Vash, who's at the wheel.

"Thanks!" Vash accepts the compliment and rubs the back of his head with a smile on his face. But all of a sudden, something compels his face to look straight out in front of him. There, in the middle of the road, walks along a black cat with a big head and big yellow eyes, who stops just in the car's path as he starts licking himself.

****

"AAAHH! CAT!"

"Nani--**AAAHH!!**" screech Vash's passengers. The car is pulled to the right as Vash veers the steering wheel, to avoid running over the creature. The cat doesn't see the car sliding--

****

KEEERAASSHH!!

--but hears its crashing into the brick wall to the right. Startled, the feline stops what it's doing, and looks and sees the bishonen all staring at the crumpled car--and then at Vash, peeved as can be.

****

"BAKA!" the other seven yell at poor Vash their mouths and heads enlarging for a split second.

"Hey, I was just trying to not kill that innocent animal ^_^;;!" Vash states to his enraged companions, nervously smiling, sweatdropping, and putting out his palms in a push-back motion.

"Damn you and your 'Love and Peace' CRAP!" yells out Mamoru in pure rage. Unbeknownst to them all, one of the fans walks by and sees the seven in broad daylight.

"*GASP*** GIRLS! THERE THEY ARE!**" Her shreik scares the _hell_ outta the bishonen, as the girls gather up again and start another rampage.

"**SHIMATTA!**" The chase begins all over again.  
  
_Vash the Stampede's known for his gun-ho tricks,  
And he's always trying to pick up the chicks.  
Got Diablo eyes, but would never kill a man.  
Hangs out with a priest and two insurance women.  
got three guns that really kick ass,  
Just his Angel Arm can shoot a hell of a blast!  
But the law is after him in a very wrong way,  
He's the hero, god damn it! He saves the day!  
  
_Passing by the gang, we go a short distance in front of them to Tenchi's Tokyo apartment. The two main competitors for Tenchi's love, Ryoko and Ayeka, pop out on the balcony.

"Do yo think Tenchi's nearby?" the Jurai princess Ayeka asks.

"As long as that Sakuya's not around, he'll be fine!" answers the space pirate Ryoko.

"...Who?"

"Trust me, ya don't wanna know. Worst anime of the Tenchi series."

"Ah."

"**HEEEEELLLPPP MEEEEE!!**"

"**TENCHI?!**" both women exclaim, hearing their lover's cry for help.

...stompstoMPST**OMPSTOMPSTO**MPSTompstop...

The two bishoujo look down and see Tenchi running past the apartment, along with the other bishonen. Both of them suddenly become curious, and a bit worried.

"What's lord Tenchi doing with all those other men?" Ayeka says with a bit of curiousity.

"You don' think he's....." Ryoko states, with a bit of a struggle in finishing her sentence. Ryoko and Ayeka become silent for a moment--

...stompstoMPST**OMPSTOMPSTO**MPSTompstop...

--Until they see the fangirl stampede running past them under the balcony.

"...Nevermind!"  
  
_Tenchi's the most unfortunate of them all,  
Hounded by six girls, both short and tall.  
From the brainiac Washu to the young Sasami,  
But let's not forget the super-kawaii Ryo-ohki.  
With villans like Kagato, he's down on his luck._

Even worse, he can't work that sword of the Light Hawk.  
Life may be more thrilling, but as far as he sees,  
He'll never get back to good old reality.  
  
The two girls teleport (I _know_ Ayeka can't, so just bear with me for convenience) in front of the bishonen's path. The crew stops to a screeching halt.

"Hello Tenchi!" Ryoko and Ayeka say, mainly towards their own dream boat.

"Ayeka! Ryoko!" Tenchi shouts in relief and demand. "You _gotta_ help us!"

"**GET US AWAY FROM HERE!**" The power of all their voices at once for help sends a strong wind that flaps the two girls' hair in the torrent of the gust.

"...Um, we really just came for Tenchi," Ryoko explains simply.

"Now come along, Tenchi," Ayeka says as she pulls Tenchi away from the rest.

"NO!" Yamato yells in desparation.

"C'mon, give us some slack!" Gohan pleads.

"Sorry!" Ryoko and Ayeka answer, starting to fly off with Tenchi in tow.

"**NO!**" Jim yells in a desparate manner.

"**TENCHHIII!!**" Kojiro yells as Tenchi goes farther away from his friends.

"NO!" Tenchi yells. "WE GOTTA SAVE--"

The three disappear by teleportation. All remaining six are left all alone, all aghast at their false hopes of rescue in unbroken silence.

****

"LOOK! THERE THEY ARE!"

Well, maybe not _unbroken_ silence... The handsome young men turn around slowly and see the girls just seconds away from grabbing their bodies in hormone-driven madness, with little time to run away.

"No.... NO...."

The stampede consumes all six, with hands and ladies scampering all around the place. The six struggle to reach out from the top of the gathering, but are just dragged in again.

****

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"  
  
_THEY'RE THE BISHONEN BOYS!  
Always with a frown,  
And can turn a fangirl's feelings upside down!  
So what exactly makes all those ladies gaze and stare?  
All girls agree, IT'S GOTTA BE--  
All girls agree, IT'S GOTTA BEEEEE.....  
.....  
THE HAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRR!_

***

The city is dark and deserted, with all the people gone from the streets. The only sources of light at this time are from the active apartments, lamp posts, and the stars themselves as they twinkle from the heavens to the Earth below. Down on earth, six men collapsed in one pile, with clothing ripped, hair messed up (uh oh....), faces bruised, and bones possibly dislocated, moan and groan to their own tortured contempt.

"No..." Mamoru mutters. "I missed my date with Usagi....."

"Rem...." Vash whispers, as his arm twitches.

"Those weren't women..." Gohan complains. "Those were _monsters_! Monsters as powerful as Majin Buu!"

"I see a light...." stutters Jim, his head popping up from under all the rest of the bodies in the pile.

"THE HORROR..." Yamato utters. "THE...HORROR..."

"I can't feel my legs!" Kojiro whines.

"So, what'd I miss?"

"Nani?" the six ask. Beside them on the streetwalk is their "comrade" Heero, hanging his clothing over his shoulder. All six leer at him with extreme prejudice.

"....." Heero "says", becoming a bit startled from the looks he's getting.

The view moves up away from this unsettling scene, above the buildings and to the sparkling stars. Candles in the sky, they are. A magnificent shooting star shoots through the black air, as the serenity of the night engulfs--

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!**"

....Make that, as the whail of Heero Yui being hurt severely engulfs the ambience.

****

THE END (finally!)


End file.
